Merry Christmas!

Have a Merry Christmas!

Memo to Apple and Steve Jobs: Your Warranty Sucks

Roughly 45 days ago, Erica purchased an iPhone.  She was pretty excited about it.  Still is (or was).

One day after her birthday, the iPhone fell out of her coat pocket (seriously) and onto the concrete garage floor.  The touch screen shattered like a cheap bar pint.
 
The damage looked something like this:

Amazingly, the actual software kept on working despite the broken glass, but rather than risk severing a finger or "bleed dialing", she decided to shut it down and take it to the Apple store. 

That's where it got interesting.

When you buy an iPhone, Apple offers a protection plan for $69 (ironic?) that covers gives you the impression that it functions like a warranty.  If the thing breaks, you should be able to take it in and they give you a new one. You know, just like a real warranty.

We were suckers and we purchased it.  I had a 30G iPod that bit the dust in a car cupholder.  I didn't have the protection plan, so I lost out on a replacement.  We figured we'd get the plan this time.  Makes sense, right?

Not at Apple.

What we didn't know is that for $69 you are basically buying a "tribute," not a warranty.  Think of it as liking the iPhone so much that you feel compelled to pay Apple an additional $69 to keep making trendy products that they can sell in their trendy little stores.  Want trendy?  There are no receipts at Apple.  Instead, thanks to your tribute, they e-mail the receipt to your home computer.  My-oh-my!  What a terrific idea!  How about I pay you $99 so you can also punch me in the balls?  What happens if I plunk down $129?  Hand over my first born?  Really?  Great.

Breathe. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10...

Anyway, when we took the iPhone into the Apple store, the friendly employee informed us that in order to remove the glass screen from the iPhone, they would have to charge Erica $200.  There is no warranty for accidental damage.

Cue the horn.

The Price is Right Losing Horns sound bite  The Price is Right sound bites

Apple made $8 billion dollars in the 4Q 2008.  That was 33.7% better on a gross margin basis from the same period in 2007.

Let me repeat that.

During the height of the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, Apple made $8 billion dollars -- in THREE MONTHS!

For perspective, in 3 short months, Apple made more money than the entire nations of Sierra Leone and Bhutan made in AN ENTIRE YEAR....COMBINED!

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9...

So, after being held for ransom at the Apple store and told that we either pay the $200 or use a phone capable of injuring its user during ordinary operation, we did what any other self-respecting sucker would do under similar circumstances -- we caved.

Adding further insult to the racket being run by Apple, we were told that the "fix" to the iPhone would take no more than 5 minutes.  WTF?  They had to unscramble a few letters and slap a new glass cover on the phone and it would be as good as new. 

The Apple repair team looked something like this:

Fagabeefe?  I hate you, Apple.

Seriously.  Five minutes for $200 and no happy ending?

Mr. Jobs would make a terrible prostitute.  

This One's For You, Pittsburgh

I've been waiting six years for this.  You'll be waiting 1:18.  Enjoy! 



Where else but YouTube can you find a 1:18 loop of Turkey Jones piledriving Terry Bradshaw into the grass painted cement floor of Cleveland Municipal Stadium?

After following tonight's Browns victory over the Steelers on my laptop computer here in Columbus -- which is both pathetic and sad -- I can now say that the 2009 Browns season was a huge success at 2-11.  It doesn't matter if they win another game.

Thank you, Cleveland!

Good night now.  Pittsburgh still sucks.

Don't Wash My Blanket!

Couldn't wait to share the trauma caused by watching one's favorite blanket struggle to survive a wash cycle.

Josie was absolutely beside herself.  Instead of helping her cope, we decided to tape the event for your enjoyment.

I think we just lost the Good Parenting Award for 2009.