Bloomington Through the Minimalist Lense

It takes at least two full weeks before it is safe to legally blog about the Holman family's annual kidless trek to Bloomington.

This year is no different.

The amnesty period is needed so we can return replace the mattresses we launched from the hotel room, the couches set ablaze and the pure devastation that follows our assemblage in B-Town.  Not since a Henry Lee Summer concert at the Clay County Fairgrounds in 1989 has a town seen such repeat destruction like that which occurs in Bloomington each and every June.

Unfortunately for the viewing patrons of Poogieville, pictures from me during these visits are a difficult task.

There are multiple reasons for this:

1.  A near constant state of alcohol-induced euphoria.

2.  The blazing HOT Indiana sun.

3.  Lack of sleep.

4.  A stomach consisting of eight parts PBR, one part breaded pork tenderloin and one part Trojan Horse/Pizza Express medley.

Picture-taking becomes a chore.

Therefore, this year I distilled the weekend plus a day into five simple pictures.

(Yes, this is Seymour, Indiana - Seymour is not Bloomington, but that's where this randomness begins)

(This is the fireplace in the South Lounge of the IMU.  It was 93 degrees outside in Bloomington on Friday and -- true to tradition -- the South Lounge fireplace was still on.)

(This is Bill.  I have collected numerous Bloomington vignettes of him.  Last year, he drank Irish Lion gravy through a straw.  This year, no gravy.  Just a ridiculous pool shot at the Video Saloon [not pictured] and drunken revelry concerning the coolness of Miller Lite's latest beer gimmick -- the metallic pint can.)

(On Sunday, Erica and I drove back to Terre Haute to pick up the kids.  This is what Terre Haute looks like when you are stuck at a train that is no longer moving.  It happens quite a bit in TH.)

(This is Joey and Mommy at Noodles and Company on the way home from the weekend.)

Driving six hours on spicy Thai food and the beer s@#$ is a great way to end a long weekend in Bloomington!

Next year, we'll do it all over again.

All for the glory of old IU!

48 Hours of Travel -- Southern Indiana Style

Fishers, Sheridan, Lebanon, Zionsville, Seymour.

Sleep.

Seymour, Bloomington, Terre Haute, Bloomington.

Sleep.

No pictures. 

306 miles and a screwy trip around the state. Trip from Fishers, IN to Bloomington, IN
 
However, I can tell you that I did not find Mellencamp's "Tasty Freeze" nor the "house in escrow."  And if you can name the two Mellencamp songs those quoted lines come from, you are a big loser -- like me.

Saw the wife (too briefly) and got to hang out with the kids tonight.  Wifee was hanging out with girlfriends in Plainfield, Indiana.  Apparently, they needed a designated driver.  The way I was moving around this God-forsaken state, they could have just used me. 

Without her, the kids and I completed an orgy of Terre Haute food establishments with Nana.

BOGO Kroger nacho cheese and chips.

Check.

A bucket of spaghetti and a loaf of garlic bread from Spaghetti House.

Check.

Six hard shell tacos from Taco Casita.  Three hot, three mild.

Check.

We destroyed it.

What did Henry eat?  Why, a bologna and cheese sandwich, of course. 

He's a weirdo.

Marian Anderson or Marion and Anderson: The Long Strange Trip Continues

This is Marian Anderson.  She was one of the greatest singers in American history.

She was not in Marion or Anderson today.  However, I visited both Marion and Anderson (cities in Indiana) today on my continuing working tour of the state.

Brief thoughts on both fine cities? 

Anderson.  Well, it was hot and sort of depressing.

Spin me around ten times and move me into another small town in the Midwest this month and I'm pretty sure I'd say the same thing about that town.

Any town that is more than 5 miles from the interstate exit is a goner in this economy.  Anderson is a perfect example. 

Other than proximity to Indianapolis, if the Colts think they are getting a huge advantage moving their training camp from Terre Haute to Anderson, they are morons.  SSDD.

Marion.  The home of Lyndon Jones and Jay Edwards?  Well, it was hot and sort of depressing.

I did pass the birthplace of James Dean and the guy who created the Garfield comic strip on the way to Marion. 

I would have stopped to take photos, but I was trying to race back to my hotel so I could avoid the nightly ritual of Indiana tornadoes.

I am not joking.  Each of the past two nights has been a dodge-fest of golf-ball sized hail, torrential rains, 60 mph winds, bluish-green skies and tornadoes.

God is apparently pissed at us.

Don't believe me?

Well, a lightning bolt destroyed the "Touchdown Jesus" or "Butter Jesus" monstrosity near Middletown, Ohio last night.  For those of you who have driven down I-75 north of Cincinnati, Ohio and saw this thing:

You know the end is near.  It burned to the ground in two brilliant minutes of flame and irony.

Yesterday, I enjoyed a window seat to a tornado-producing thunderstorm in Zionsville, Indiana.  Tornado sirens and all. 

I discovered that the best way to enjoy a tornado is over a six pack of Modelos with your sister.

Seriously.  When it comes for you, what would you rather be doing?

Today was no different.  I had to wait for more tornado-producing thunderstorms to clear the Indy area before heading to the only sign of life in southeastern Hamilton County...

 
Yes, that's the sun emerging from the heavens as I dodged lightning strikes to reach the front door of Five Guys in Fishers, IN. 

Eleven dollars for a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a Mr. Pibb never tasted so damn good!

I'm off to Lebanon tomorrow.

No, not that Lebanon.

This Lebanon.  The Friendly City.

The above is an actual picture from the Lebanon, Indiana website.  Apparently, there's a new definition of "friendly" in the Friendly City. 

Yikes.

I am sure not to F with these bad asses.  I mean, they have totally got that soccer game under control.  I know tensions are high with the World Cup and all but is SWAT training really necessary at a soccer field in Indiana?

I can't wait for tomorrow to come.  I'm already fearful of what will happen next.

A plague of locusts?  Pestilience?  A giant meteor?

Rob Does Richmond

If you say that title too fast, you might giggle like a schoolkid.  I stole the line from my brother-in-law who snorted with laughter when I told him where I was today.  For a highly intelligent dude, no one does "low-brow" better than my brother-in-law.

Nobody.

As the title suggests, I'm back in Indiana this week.  My first stop was Richmond, Indiana.  My appointment was across the street from a familiar name.

Check it out:

(I even managed to shoot the Accord in this one!)

This one brought back a ton of good memories.

As it should... 

A Record-Setting Night in Akron, Ohio!

And when someone asks you where you were the night the Akron Aeros broke their franchise record for consecutive wins (twelve), only 2,867 of us will be able to say we were there.

The Big Guy (Grandpa) and I were in attendance courtesy of "90".

(Thanks, Jim!)

Sorry, Bill.  I'm sure the in-flight movie on the bumpy flight to Vegas was worth it.  Your man-crush for Lonnie Chisenhall is still in tact, though.  He went 3 for 5 and has both BG and me convinced of his place at 3B in 2011 or 2012 for the Tribe.

We also managed to save the boxscore and the recap for souvenir purposes.

We are now 2-0 in games managed by Jim.  The Aeros have never lost for me (5-0).

I'm sure the streak ends tomorrow.

UPDATE:  It did.  The Aeros got shutout 3-0 on Sunday.

Henry Hits the Links

We were up at 6:15a and on the course by 7:15a this morning.  Henry didn't complain once.

Two pop tarts, a bottle of water and a pitching wedge and he was in the game.  It was another good round for the Hankster.

(Henry taking a swing)

(Henry reloading another swing)

(Henry helping Uncle Bob find a water ball)

We played 18 holes at Coppertop at Cherokee Hills in Brunswick, Ohio.  It was another good course for our limited games. 

Henry is sitting here while I blog and wanted me to tell everyone that he got his first set of golf clubs and dramatically improved his game on the back nine today.  Henry wanted me to add that he "clobbered the balls" and he hit "two balls straight up in the air". 

In Henry's version of golf, that is the measure of success. 

I would rather play his game.

A "Goodtime" Wedding on Lake Erie

Erica and I made it to the wedding of John Mazi on Friday night.  John and his new bride Lisa had their wedding and reception on the Goodtime III which then included a trip up (and down) the Cuyahoga River -- which made us both sad -- and then out into Lake Erie -- which made us both happy.

The Cuyahoga River portion of the trip included three separate bare-assed "moonings" by some of Cleveland's finest dirtbag ne'er-do-wells.  Only in Cleveland can you take a pleasure cruise on a boat and end up seeing the business-end of a blue-collar kid, let alone three separate incidents on the same river.

Anyway, for those who don't know, my friend John was a law clerk that I hired in 2004 and who became an associate attorney for our law firm. 

I subsequently fired John in 2005.

Yes, you heard me correctly.

I fired the poor guy.  It wasn't my call, but I did it. 

The best part about John is that he still talks to me and we still get together despite the fact that he should hate everything I stand for.  John is the epitome of a good guy.

Me?  Not so much.  I'm a d-bag, but you already knew that.

John's wedding was the first time I made it out on either Lake Erie "cruise" ship.

(My two loves:  my pregnant wife, Erica, and the only city I would ever call home -- Cleveland, Ohio)

(Here she is again -- I happen to think she's the most beautiful woman in the world)

It was a nice evening.  The event was quick (3 hours from dock to dock).  Everyone enjoyed themselves.  There was nudity.  I drank my share of Bud Lights.  I got to hear the calypso version of "Under the Rainbow" twenty times.  There was a football floating in the Cuyahoga River (it's Cleveland!). 

Life is good.

Check that, life is great.

Memorial Day

We took in the annual Hudson Memorial Day parade last weekend and enjoyed a Holman Ribfest at Billy Brew's.

Here's the event in pictures:

(Bill and his in-laws on the parade route)

(A picture of the Girl Scout Troop with Judy [right in red], Maddy and Maura [center on scooters])

(Josie taking down a hot dog)

(Mason discovering a Henry staple -- watermelon)

(Maura Holman)

(Henry eating his two -- and only -- food groups: watermelon and hotdogs)

(Avery explaining where the food goes)

(Caroline the Protege with Maddy the Mentor)

And last but not least, Erica and the kids on the Hudson Preschool Parents "float".  Caroline gave Hudson, Ohio a rather cool greeting.

What else is new?

Erica & Kids on HPP Memorial Day Float from Rob Holman on Vimeo.